Optimized Results: Six One Couple on the Enneagram

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Q: I thought my partner and I were so matched that we were the same type, but he's a Six and I'm a One. How can we seem to be so much alike, and yet get caught up in arguments all the time?

A: The similarities are primarily on the surface, whereas the underlying motivations are quite different. Doing things "the right way" often looks the same as doing things "the safe way," when the "right way" was developed with safety in mind. There are places where they diverge, and those are usually in areas of social etiquette and protocol.

A Six will do what they believe is necessary for safety, regardless of how it may seem to be "insulting the intelligence" of the One. For example, re-checking something the One has already done (locking doors and windows, etc.) It is often difficult for the One in the relationship to see past a One's reasons or motivations, and be open to the "alien" motivations of the Six. The typical reaction we start out with is, "if it were me, I'd do that because..." and project our own typology's motivation. Thus, re-addressing anything the One has done would be a sign of it being done "wrong."

Next, being wrong is out of the question for both types. For the One, it is the trigger of untold shame. For the Six, being wrong is dangerous. An inability to move off of their staunchly held positions, for these deeply felt reasons, can bring great conflict to this duo.

On a lighter note, where a One would be more aware of etiquette and politeness as the best way to interact with others, a Six is more interested in "raw truth," which can be perceived as impolite or too direct for a One. This stylistic difference can also escalate to real conflict.

Let Six own the jobs that require a safety specialist, and One can relax, relinquishing those tasks that would become argument starters. Six can learn to be receptive to how the One's social adeptness can open doors for the both of you. Each of you can bring your unique talents to the party, when you revere and respect each other for them.

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