The Integram:
an Integral Enneagram of Consciousness; a model of consciousness,
including all aspects, for designing practical paths of personal
development and evolution.
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This may be the final edition of this current version of "The Integram™"
going out on Constant Contact, depending upon my progress with the new
Optimized Results website. Restructuring a 300 page HTML site into a
phone-friendly responsive code site has been far more of a challenge
than I anticipated. The new site may interface better with another
mailing service, and I do hope to have all the bolts tightened for
February. Splitting time between multiple projects, clients, speaking,
and writing, requires some compromises, so I'm skipping the podcast
version this month for time's sake. Now you have my motivation; here
now, the behavior:
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What Doesn't Tell You Why
An ongoing issue obstructing our ability to connect with one another
comes from trying to ascertain “why” by observing “what” people do.
Granted, observing behavior can be done with minimal interaction or
commitment. You don’t need to actually be involved to observe. There's a sense of safety and self-protection served by not getting into the
mix with someone. Not only do you get to avoid uncertainties and
potential emotional aspects, but you don’t have to expose your own self
either. Of course when you think about it, this means that the image
you wish to portray is interacting with the image that they want to
portray, and neither of you is really present. It’s a blind “Punch and
Judy” puppet show, which isn’t the most effective way to communicate.

When it works, it’s pretty much by accident (even a broken clock is
correct twice a day – once if it’s digital.) Remarkably, we continue to
do this, as the potential discomfort of being exposed or having to deal
with another person’s issues seems worse than looking at the abysmal
results we’re actually getting.
Aside from the lack of important, pertinent information, there's also an inherent conflict being written into the
interaction. This is what puts us in that position of trying to “sell”
our side, while the other person tries to “sell” theirs to us. I’m not
talking about the healthy debate of differing ideas; indeed one of the
more healthy aspects of communication we have. I am talking about a
battle of perspectives masquerading as empirical truths.
Observable Behavior Steers Us Wrong
Perspectives are directly linked to our motivations and focus of
attention. Our motivations and focus of attention are what steer our
behavior, not the other way around. We could do the same things for
different reasons as easily as we could do different things given the
same motivation. Obviously motivation, perspective, and focus of
attention are what define who you are. If all I use is observing
what you do, I can't possibly understand you, because I don’t know
“why?” If I can't understand you, how can I expect to be able to
interact or work with you effectively?
Strategic Implications
There are very real and logical reasons to downgrade observable
behavior’s importance in formulating our understanding of others, and
thus being better equipped to work or interact with them.
What people do primarily tells you about their survival strategies;
by definition their most defended positions. And again, these are often
learned strategies that have nothing to do with who the person really
is. Trying to work with that defended behavior writes conflict into the
interaction. We're in effect, storming the
walls, trying to break through defenses, rather than effectively
communicating.
It's unfortunately our most common approach. I can’t tell you how
many clients over the years have come to me looking for better ways to
storm the walls, more effective weapons, better armor for themselves,
etc.

“How can I get them to do what I want?” is almost a catch-phrase in
management these days. The short answer of course is that you can’t. At least you can’t do it in any kind of sustainable way. Being
whipped, cajoled, or manipulated into action usually results in
great energy being expended toward escaping to freedom, and little else.
You can, however, work with people to a common goal. By understanding
their motivation, you can join with them on their side of the wall
without conflict. You can present the goal to them in a way that
appeals to their motivations, rather than your own. Of course truly
understanding your own is necessary, to enable you to recognize it and
remove its associated projections and assumptions.
Choosing Understanding Over Frustration
Trying to predict behavior based on observing prior behavior is at best
a game of odds. If you are the big winner, you can guess correctly –
this time. You’re still not in a position of understanding what makes
that person tick, which leaves you in a position of judgment, frustration,
and confusion.
You can't understand motivation through observed behavior. You can
however understand behavior when you know the motivation. It's a one-way
street. Understanding
the behavior beats observing it without understanding any day. That
understanding gives you something real with which to work. That understanding
puts you on the same team with the other person, rather than at odds
with them. Which do you think will be more effective?
Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible?
Come visit the
web site,
or better yet,
contact me and
see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- Ian J. Blei
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Special Offers!
“Ian is a catalyst for ‘aha! moments.’ I saw how to
adjust my communications to get outcomes that everyone is happy about.”
--Keith Myer: Global Digital Media Executive, IBM
"…I
greatly appreciate your help and guidance through a tough time...The
skills you taught me have played a large role in my snowballing
success." --Doug Workmaster, Workmaster Photographic Studio
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Resource Links:
Conscious Communication
- the podcast series
Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
Integram
(TM)
-understanding
ourselves, each other, and our relationships
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Integram
(TM)
Kind
Ambition
-
2nd Edition
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Welcome to the Integram, where consciousness meets
intentional design. Enjoy!

The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram
Studies
and
President of
Optimized Results
415.826.0478
Kind Ambition
Click
HERE
Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
Without Losing Your Soul
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Kind Ambition
is
about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your
own life. Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly
thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be thrown around by them. You
can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine
- yet.
Kind Ambition
is written for you, as
a practical guide you can use right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work. The chapters hold to a formula
of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you
tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice
when you do.
Kind words for “Kind Ambition”
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in
running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying
life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a
digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The
notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and
serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve
real growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve
age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives
his work!”
-Romanus Wolter - Author: Kick Start Your
Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of
these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The good
news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found
in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
Company Magazine
“A
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
straightforward and inspirational book.”
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches
Star
of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”
" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and
straightforward ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I
feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
-Roy King, III
, Senior
Partner/Channel Marketing Manager - Skype
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