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January

2017

 
Fixing What's Broken

Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.

 

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Quick Communication Tip

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Happy New Year!!!

 

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Fixing What's Broken

Another Dimension
Throughout history people have been confused and angry, not knowing what was going on, or why others were acting the way they were acting. Even on a personal or business level, we run into the same kind of confusion. Some try to explain with simple labels like crazy or stupid, when more likely it's a difference in perspectives. This may be as simple as seeing something from different sides of the street, but what really adds to the confusion is that perspective is a three-dimensional concept.

We've all heard the example of the car swerving, and from one side of the street, it looks like the driver's an idiot, and from the other side, we see that he's avoiding the puppy. If only life were as simple as two-dimensional Flatland.

The truth is, your perspective changes as much by changing your altitude as by changing your latitude and longitude. Those of you who remember your geometry (or playing Battleship for that matter) will remember x and y coordinates in flat space. Altitude is described by the z coordinate. This is nicely illustrated by the ant's-eye view vs. the bird's-eye view. What many don't understand, is that our consciousness and awareness develops along this z coordinate, and our perspectives shift accordingly.

When we're very young, our perspectives, regardless of those x and y coordinates, have a relatively low-altitude z coordinate. We haven't gone out into the world, developed meaningful relationships, and really learned about how we interface with others yet. The world seems to revolve pretty much around us. Standing in our cribs, this makes perfect sense. We observe everything genuinely revolving around us; from our families to activities we can see. What we can't see doesn't really exist for us yet.

Then we start the ascending climb out of the I/Me/Mine world, to where there's an Us, a We, and of course a Them. This is an imperative development for our species to survive, as we are after all a social animal. None of us exists alone, without the interrelationships of other people.
            
Stuck On Me
As we ascend, the natural development is for the We and Us to grow and grow, meaning that the leftover Them will shrink. This is where it gets sticky and problematic. If we don't develop a We/Us mentality, and get stuck in the I/Me/Mine way of thinking, there's going to be a lot of conflict.

It isn't always easy to see from outside of our own perspective, especially when that perspective is relatively low in altitude, because there's only our own way of seeing things. I call this a Framework of Understanding, and it's how we take in and organize reality through our own lens or filtering system. To simplify, if I have red lenses in my sunglasses, it's going to be very hard for me to understand you describing something being green. I just don't see it. This doesn't mean it isn't there, but from my perspective, you're either wrong, nuts, or misleading me.

Because this is a developmental issue, not one of right or wrong, and not one of being crazy, the solution becomes very clear, and very easy to implement. I need to first become aware of my lens coloring, and then learn how to open up my vision to take in other colors. This becomes an incredible skill-set in negotiations, relationships, sales, and communication in general.
        
 
To Summarize
The unpleasant fact is, our society has been conditioning us to remain in as low an altitude as possible for as long as possible, because we become far more easily manipulated, controlled, and quite honestly sold to. A We/Us mentality is more likely to share than an I/Me/Mine mentality. If instead of your family sharing a gadget together, I can break you up by convincing you to be as I/Me/Mine as possible, I can sell each of you your own gadget, and quadruple my sales. The side-effect is the sense of isolation, anxiety, selfishness, confusion, and anger that people are walking around feeling.

If you want to beat them at this game, and learn how to reach higher altitudes; catapulting your communication and relationship skills, give me a call or email me and let's design a tailored program to fit your needs and desired outcomes. There's no limit to how high you can fly.


     - Ian J. Blei


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Special Offer -
 

I'm extending some of the holiday specials through the end of January, so grab 'em before their gone!

One of the most exciting ones might be the Transformational Biz Plan - a unique combination of hands-on coaching with a "fill in the blanks" workbook that will give you a solid plan for the coming year that will impact you on more levels than you can imagine. 
        
Click to Schedule.

 
Want to read more about the
Transformational Biz Plan?
 
 
Call, email or click around the rest of the website for other specials this month; always something cool going on. 
 
"...If you're looking to start a new business, change careers, or  trying to figure out what to do with your life, I highly recommend working with Ian!"  -Dave Kang, Internet Entrepreneur and User Experience Designer
    
"Ian guided me through a journey that laid the foundations of my self-awareness. We worked on optimizing my executive performance leading a diverse global team. He taught me how to optimize my emotional intelligence and utilize my resources "like a DJ", sequencing and blending them in ways that allow me to connect at a much deeper level and to be a lot more effective in my delivery." - E. R., Eventbrite 


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Quick Communication Tip

 

Listen More, Talk Less 
I'll be going into Listening more in future posts, because it really is the Holy Grail of Communication, but let's start with a very simple first approach. You've heard it a million times: you've got two ears and one mouth.

We can easily get caught up in trying to impress, or trying to make a point, or any of the ways we do the equivalent of a "dog and pony show" when we're interacting. Even when it's not a sales or interview situation; perhaps networking or just meeting someone new.

1. Increase your awareness of any sense of anxiety or impatience, and really pay attention to it. When we're not conscious of this, we start talking to fill the void or ease our discomfort. Take a long breath, a sip of water or whatever you're drinking, and keep listening.

2. See if you can figure out what their own lens of perspective is from their language, what they're focused on, and what they emphasize.

3. Ask questions. Good old Dale Carnegie was spot on with "it's better to be interested than interesting." What people are going to remember is their experience of you. The more you're curious and interested in them, the more they're going to open up and share with you exactly what the key is to their "interaction lock."  

With all you learn from listening, when you do talk, it will be pertinent, relevant, and connected. If you can put yourself in their position as much as possible, you can give them exactly what they're looking for in that interaction. 
 
And once again,
if you want to seriously ramp up your game, reach higher altitudes; catapulting your communication and relationship skills, give me a call 415-826-0478, or email me and let's design a tailored program to fit your needs and desired outcomes. There really is no limit to how high you can fly.
 
Sincerely, 
Ian J. Blei



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Resource Links:


Conscious Communication - the podcast series

KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Integram (TM)

Kind Ambition - 2nd Edition

Got Blog? c
ome visit the Blog.


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Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours.   Enjoy!

 

 



The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram Studies and
President of
Optimized Results
415.826.0478

 

 

Kind Ambition

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Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
 Without Losing Your Soul
 

 

 

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Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life.  Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be  thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.

 

Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now.  It is a collection of  insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work.  The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.

 

 

 

 

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"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."

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“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve real  growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives his work!”

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Star of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”

 

 

 

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