Conscious Communication: bringing communication
up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above
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in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
Special Offers for the
Holidays (4 separate offers!!)
Quick Communication Tip
Where crazy and conscious collide™
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
"Sustainable Change: from
your body to your mind and back again"
Communication is the mortar between the bricks.
Verbal or otherwise, it’s the
Dark Matter Between Us; how what resides within can be conveyed and
shared. The conflicts, miscues, and miscommunications that eat up our
time, productivity, and serenity are for the most part completely
avoidable. They’re invariably the result of what I call auto-pilot
communication. It might seem harsh to say we’re lazy, but when push
comes to shove, we don’t seem very motivated to do “extra work” when it
comes to communicating. We want to just say the words that mostly work
in our own heads, and have others understand them exactly how we meant
Sometimes it’s about how we perceive things differently, and yet think
that our perception is reality.
Perception is Not Reality. In fact our perceptions can look to
others as crazy or wrong as theirs look to us. It’s as if we’re looking
Funhouse Mirror Reality. Each of us has a slightly twisted,
distorted picture, and our words follow that picture.
When we’re not taking the time and effort to use Conscious
Communication, we can fall into all manner of conflicts. Without that
consciousness, we don’t bother with
Verbal Accuracy or what our
Tone of Voice is conveying. Without that extra consciousness, we
don’t pay attention to the different framework of understanding someone
has. Then we don’t apply a
Framework for Listening that allows for the myriad differences in
perspectives and perceptions driving our words, metaphors, and images.
In addition, when we add all the assumptions and projections; guessing
the motivations behind people’s words, we can be taken even farther off
course. This is where the
Inside Joke’s on Us. We need to take it outside of our heads, and
check in with people. Watching from a distance won’t tell us what’s
going on inside. People’s behavior is the end result of their
motivations crashing into reality. There are simply too many variables
for us to get real understanding. We need to stay with a more conscious
approach to uncover people’s motivations.
Motivation Informs / Behavior Confuses.
When we add that extra consciousness to our communication, we can see
differences in pacing, tempo, focus of attention and more. There are
places where a little
patience can change an entire outcome. Finishing people’s sentences
to hurry them up rarely works. Usually, it throws them off, confuses
them, takes them off topic, they have to find their way back, and we‘ve
just extended how long it’s going to take them to say their piece. Plus
we’ve just given them a big helping of “I don’t care about you or what
you’re saying,” which does nobody any good.
In fact, this is a great example of that brilliant Ben Franklin quote:
“a stitch in time saves nine.” By taking a few extra seconds, you can
save minutes. This is what race car drivers call
Slowing Down to Speed Up. There are many lessons in communication we
can learn from racing. For example, using precision when it comes to our
Accuracy) is imperative when you’re moving 180 miles per hour.
You don’t have time to work out a misunderstanding. In the
Racer’s Edge part I and
part II we covered quite a few of these lessons.
An enormous part of communication that rarely gets much attention, is
that which goes on in our own heads. The exciting thing about Cognitive
Linguistics is that as much as our thinking, feeling, and beliefs drive
our language, the language inside drives our thinking, feeling, and
beliefs as well. The two-way street nature of this gives us the power to
change what we may have thought we were stuck with.
This is where we can
Free Ourselves of Self-Limiting Language and
Shed Old Shackles we didn’t even realize were undermining our
efforts. There are so many ways we hold ourselves back with our
Self-Talk. Again, this two-way street nature means that as much as we
hold ourselves back, we can use the same process to propel ourselves
forward as well.
We can increase our
Emotional Resilience and our internal strength just by consciously
changing our language. When we can be conscious enough to notice what
we’re saying, both inside and out, we can make adjustments to increase
our success. We can catch ourselves before we say things we’ll regret,
and shift our words to achieve a higher aim. We can catch ourselves
being self-denigrating, and replace those words with words of support
and encouragement. This will have an enormous impact on us, and those
Practicing this level of consciousness or mindfulness has myriad fringe
benefits as well. Research shows that we can increase our I.Q. as a
function of being able to make and use more associations quickly. We can
lower our blood pressure, and general stress levels. Research even shows
that mindfulness increases Telomere length and strength in our DNA, thus
our cellular regeneration and neurogenesis. In short, using mindfulness
and Conscious Communication can actually increase our life-span.
- Ian J. Blei
Special Offers! -
A Conscious Cornucopia
For the holidays, I'm offering a veritable feast of specials; something
First, of course, we have our
coaching sessions to the first 3
people (not already clients) who email me with this month's "secret word"
Telomerase. Just put that in your
email, along with your contact info so we can schedule.
Each session is a normally a $187.00 value.
Next, "Kind Ambition"
is on sale! Instead of $15.95 + tax, until December 31st, you can get it
for only $10 flat, and I'll pay the tax. PLUS, you can buy a "Baker's
Dozen." Buy 12 books and get the 13th copy FREE!
Click here for details
Third, last year's "Holiday/Family Communication Triage" was so
popular, I'm bringing it back this year. Something about the
holidays that brings out the beast in us, when we'd rather it brought
out the best.
Click for details.
Fourth, New Year's Resolutions disintegrate fast. I have a
ten-step process for a bullet-proof
Annual Planning Session
from my Personal Re-Engineering Program that will absolutely turbocharge
the coming year for you. Normally $227.00 for the 90-minute intensive
with workbook, now HALF OFF! (only $115.00.)
Quick Communication Tip
Language for Success
There are many ways we can take advantage of Cognitive Linguistics
affecting how we think, feel, and behave. For example, we’ve all heard
“Do or do not; there is no try.” The problem is that nature abhors a
void, and we can’t just stop saying something. We need to fill that void
with a replacement. Borrowing from Cognitive Linguistics, we can start
with a strong commitment: “I Will.” Then we can add another commitment
to quality statement like, “Do the Best.” Then finishing with an
affirmation like, “I Can!” will give us the very powerful replacement
phrase: “I Will Do the Best I Can!”
Test this out on yourself. Say “I’ll try,” and look at your physical
posture and how you feel. Now say, “I Will Do the Best I Can!” and look
at your physical posture and how you feel. This is one tiny example.
There are tens of thousands of shifts we can make, starting with our
Internal, Intrapersonal Communication.
Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or
catapult you forward? Come visit the
or better yet,
contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- the podcast series
Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
ourselves, each other, and our relationships
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
visit the Blog.
Ever want to create
characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were
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Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious
Communication results in success, and how you can
Institute for Integral Enneagram
Without Losing Your Soul
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help
you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work.
The chapters hold to a formula of
first giving you a new way to look at
things, then offering you tangible
Action Steps to try them out, and
finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large
organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will
find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that
will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can
be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is
enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics
solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian
lives his work!”
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The
good news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past
President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film,
“Dance Me Outside”
Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward
ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
-Roy King, III