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Conscious Communication

Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.

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"Conscious Jam" Tele-Radio
Where crazy and conscious collide

Tuesday, December 17, 2013
"Sustainable Change: from your body to your mind and back again"
7:00-8:00 pm PST

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Conscious Communication (click for podcast)

Inter-personal (Yama)
Communication is the mortar between the bricks. Verbal or otherwise, it’s the Dark Matter Between Us; how what resides within can be conveyed and shared. The conflicts, miscues, and miscommunications that eat up our time, productivity, and serenity are for the most part completely avoidable. They’re invariably the result of what I call auto-pilot communication. It might seem harsh to say we’re lazy, but when push comes to shove, we don’t seem very motivated to do “extra work” when it comes to communicating. We want to just say the words that mostly work in our own heads, and have others understand them exactly how we meant them.

Sometimes it’s about how we perceive things differently, and yet think that our perception is reality. Perception is Not Reality. In fact our perceptions can look to others as crazy or wrong as theirs look to us. It’s as if we’re looking at a Funhouse Mirror Reality. Each of us has a slightly twisted, distorted picture, and our words follow that picture.

When we’re not taking the time and effort to use Conscious Communication, we can fall into all manner of conflicts. Without that consciousness, we don’t bother with Verbal Accuracy or what our Tone of Voice is conveying. Without that extra consciousness, we don’t pay attention to the different framework of understanding someone has. Then we don’t apply a Framework for Listening that allows for the myriad differences in perspectives and perceptions driving our words, metaphors, and images.

In addition, when we add all the assumptions and projections; guessing the motivations behind people’s words, we can be taken even farther off course. This is where the Inside Joke’s on Us. We need to take it outside of our heads, and check in with people. Watching from a distance won’t tell us what’s going on inside. People’s behavior is the end result of their motivations crashing into reality. There are simply too many variables for us to get real understanding. We need to stay with a more conscious approach to uncover people’s motivations. Motivation Informs / Behavior Confuses.

When we add that extra consciousness to our communication, we can see differences in pacing, tempo, focus of attention and more. There are places where a little patience can change an entire outcome. Finishing people’s sentences to hurry them up rarely works. Usually, it throws them off, confuses them, takes them off topic, they have to find their way back, and we‘ve just extended how long it’s going to take them to say their piece. Plus we’ve just given them a big helping of “I don’t care about you or what you’re saying,” which does nobody any good.

In fact, this is a great example of that brilliant Ben Franklin quote: “a stitch in time saves nine.” By taking a few extra seconds, you can save minutes. This is what race car drivers call Slowing Down to Speed Up. There are many lessons in communication we can learn from racing. For example, using precision when it comes to our words (Verbal Accuracy) is imperative when you’re moving 180 miles per hour.
You don’t have time to work out a misunderstanding. In the Racer’s Edge part I and part II we covered quite a few of these lessons.

Intra-personal (Niyama)
An enormous part of communication that rarely gets much attention, is that which goes on in our own heads. The exciting thing about Cognitive Linguistics is that as much as our thinking, feeling, and beliefs drive our language, the language inside drives our thinking, feeling, and beliefs as well. The two-way street nature of this gives us the power to change what we may have thought we were stuck with.

This is where we can Free Ourselves of Self-Limiting Language and Shed Old Shackles we didn’t even realize were undermining our efforts. There are so many ways we hold ourselves back with our Self-Talk. Again, this two-way street nature means that as much as we hold ourselves back, we can use the same process to propel ourselves forward as well.

We can increase our Emotional Resilience and our internal strength just by consciously changing our language. When we can be conscious enough to notice what we’re saying, both inside and out, we can make adjustments to increase our success. We can catch ourselves before we say things we’ll regret, and shift our words to achieve a higher aim. We can catch ourselves being self-denigrating, and replace those words with words of support and encouragement. This will have an enormous impact on us, and those around us.

Practicing this level of consciousness or mindfulness has myriad fringe benefits as well. Research shows that we can increase our I.Q. as a function of being able to make and use more associations quickly. We can lower our blood pressure, and general stress levels. Research even shows that mindfulness increases Telomere length and strength in our DNA, thus our cellular regeneration and neurogenesis. In short, using mindfulness and Conscious Communication can actually increase our life-span.

     - Ian J. Blei


Special Offers! - Holiday Specials

A Conscious Cornucopia of Goodies!

For the holidays, I'm offering a veritable feast of specials; something for everyone. 


First, of course, we have our  Dynamic Discovery coaching sessions to the first 3 people (not already clients) who email me with this month's "secret word"  Telomerase.  Just put that in your email, along with your contact info so we can schedule.  Each session is a normally a $187.00 value.


Next, "Kind Ambition" is on sale! Instead of $15.95 + tax, until December 31st, you can get it for only $10 flat, and I'll pay the tax.  PLUS, you can buy a "Baker's Dozen."  Buy 12 books and get the 13th copy FREE!  Click here for details


Third, last year's "Holiday/Family Communication Triage" was so popular, I'm bringing it back this year.  Something about the holidays that brings out the beast in us, when we'd rather it brought out the best.  Click for details.


Fourth, New Year's Resolutions disintegrate fast.  I have a ten-step process for a bullet-proof Annual Planning Session from my Personal Re-Engineering Program that will absolutely turbocharge the coming year for you. Normally $227.00 for the 90-minute intensive with workbook, now HALF OFF!  (only $115.00.)  Click to Schedule.



Quick Communication Tip

Shifting Language for Success

There are many ways we can take advantage of Cognitive Linguistics affecting how we think, feel, and behave. For example, we’ve all heard “Do or do not; there is no try.” The problem is that nature abhors a void, and we can’t just stop saying something. We need to fill that void with a replacement. Borrowing from Cognitive Linguistics, we can start with a strong commitment: “I Will.” Then we can add another commitment to quality statement like, “Do the Best.” Then finishing with an affirmation like, “I Can!” will give us the very powerful replacement phrase: “I Will Do the Best I Can!”

Test this out on yourself. Say “I’ll try,” and look at your physical posture and how you feel. Now say, “I Will Do the Best I Can!” and look at your physical posture and how you feel. This is one tiny example. There are tens of thousands of shifts we can make, starting with our Internal, Intrapersonal Communication.

Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward?  Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.



Resource Links:

Conscious Communication - the podcast series

Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
Integram (TM) -understanding ourselves, each other, and our relationships

KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Integram (TM)

Kind Ambition - 2nd Edition

Got Blog? c
ome visit the Blog.

Character Driven - Ever want to create characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were characters?



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Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours.   Enjoy!



The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram Studies and
President of
Optimized Results



Kind Ambition

Click HERE





Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
 Without Losing Your Soul



Kind Ambition
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Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life.  Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be  thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.


Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now.  It is a collection of  insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work.  The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.





Kind words for “Kind Ambition”


"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."

-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media




“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve real  growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives his work!”

-Romanus Wolter - Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment




" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The  good news is: they can be overcome.  The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."

-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's

 Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters

Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine




“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life.  Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in  this straightforward and inspirational book.”

     -Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”




" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward ways.  His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."

-Roy King, III , Director Pacific Development Partners





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