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Tolerance Isn’t Enough

Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.

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"Conscious Jam" Tele-Radio
Where crazy and conscious collide

Tuesday, November 12, 2013
"The Neurobiology of your Psychology"
how you get addicted to your own hormonal juice"

7:00-8:00 pm PST

Register Here




Tolerance isn't Enough (click for podcast)

The Roots of Rightness
In Kind Ambition, I addressed cooperation from a perspective of recognizing the diversity of resources different people bring, and taking advantage of this wide range of tools to better accomplish whatever we’re aiming to accomplish. Developing a Non-Zero-Sum style of competing and working together is more sustainable than pure “I win – you lose.”

This black and white, dualistic model doesn’t fit reality very well; as life is rarely if ever black and white. How we look at things shifts with additional information. When we’re being honest with ourselves, we know that we don’t know everything. New information comes along, and suddenly atoms aren’t the smallest objects in the Universe, and the Earth isn’t flat.

So why do we get so stuck in a particular way of seeing something? You’re not going to like this, but in a word – fear. Very old programming tells us that if we’re wrong, we’ll die. This may well have been true long ago about where the water is or what berries are safe to eat. Indeed there are still areas where being “wrong” about something could be fatal, but let’s face it; not all areas, and not all the time. In fact, rather than the right way or the wrong way, more often than not multiple interpretations can be made about the exact same circumstances. Embracing that concept is the path to peace, harmony, and cooperation, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

I'm Cold, You Should Wear a Sweater
You may have found yourself on either side of this dynamic, but how often do we compare how we’d say something, do something, or even whether we like something or not, to how others would say, do, or like something? Then, starting with our own way or taste as a baseline for normal (or “right”) we look at the difference as a measurement of “wrongness” on their part.

This is an enormous part of the unnecessary conflict we live with on a personal, organizational, and global level. If I believe xyz, and you believe abc, do I need to convert you to my way of thinking so that the Universe doesn’t blow up? Why is it so important for you to live like I live, like what I like, do what I do? Again that fear is, if you can do, say, or believe things differently, I could be “wrong,” thus I’ll die. This is very deep, very young developmental brain leftovers, and we really need to get past it. The first hard truth we need to look at is the level of narcissism built into that process.

Remember, narcissism has nothing to do with conceit, and everything to do with seeing others as being reflections of us, (not unique individuals.) The more we can see them as not being versions of us “doing it wrong,” the more we open the door to a much richer world.

We Don't Even See It One Way
Almost What’s both ironic and our salvation in all this is paying attention to the fact that we don’t have a singular perspective about things ourselves. As you’ve probably noticed, you don’t see things the same way when you’re totally stressed out. If you had a conversation with yourself at your best and yourself at your worst, there’s a good chance an argument would ensue. One of you would be more risk averse, one of you would be more withdrawn and not want to be around people, one of you might be really bossy, and so on.

So if you can interpret something different ways in different states of mind, isn’t it possible that someone else’s “different” view might agree with yours, when you’re in a different state of mind? This is that path to peace, harmony and cooperation mentioned earlier. Once we’ve recognized that each of us has several perspectives that shift with circumstances and moods, we don’t need to be so attached to just one perspective or interpretation. If we’re not so attached to just one perspective or interpretation, we can hear someone else’s, which can be quite different than ours in the moment, and not feel compelled to convert them to ours.

If you like anchovies and I don’t, there’s no reason I need to express my disdain to you from a “what’s wrong with you” perspective. There’s a difference between my not seeing something as funny, and it not being funny, period. It’s called an opinion, remember? We can disagree, and not judge each other’s tastes, beliefs, or perspectives as wrong because they’re different. That’s called diversity. As a matter of fact, we can go a step further, and look at different perspectives as an added bonus.

Perspectives are like pixels. The more we have, the richer the colors and the better the resolution. What if we shifted our reactions to “differences” from “ew, that’s weird,” to “wow, that’s so different and interesting!” Who would it hurt?

Improving our experience together has a pretty simple recipe: “Allow One Another to Be One Another.” You can be who you are without me needing to be like you, or make you be like me. In fact, I’m more likely to learn more from adding the diversity of your different perspective. I’m more likely to understand a larger context by adding the diversity of your different perspective. When it comes down to it, our very survival depends on truly embracing (not just tolerating) this diversity of perspectives.

     - Ian J. Blei


Special Offer - Giving Thanks

In honor of Thanksgiving, I'm going to express some gratitude by making another
Special Offer

I'm going to give Dynamic Discovery coaching sessions away to the first 3 people (not already clients) who email me with this month's "secret word."  Ready?

The secret word for November is "
blagodarnost."  Gratitude in any language is gratitude.  (Extra points for knowing which language the secret word is in.  Just put that in your email, along with your contact info so we can schedule.

Each session is a normally a $187.00 value, and will be worth much more to you in life-changing ways.  Good luck!


Quick Communication Tip

The Law of Allowance

This may seem silly and simplistic, but when it comes to interaction and relationships, this is the secret sauce. Judgement and criticism are enormously destructive activities, and we often don’t realize we’re engaging in them. We justify and rationalize that we’re “helping.” We’re helping them to not be different than us. Who does that serve, and how?

If someone talks more slowly than us, are they really too slow, or are we perhaps in too much of a hurry? What else can we learn by not forcing them to speed up, but allowing them to be who they are? Can we take in other information like micro-expressions, tone, and body language? If we’re truly strapped for time, perhaps letting the other person know exactly how much time they have will enable them to “package” it better for you? Open, compassionate dialog goes a long way toward effective, efficient communication.

Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward?  Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.



Resource Links:

Conscious Communication - the podcast series

Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
Integram (TM) -understanding ourselves, each other, and our relationships

KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Integram (TM)

Kind Ambition - 2nd Edition

Got Blog? c
ome visit the Blog.

Character Driven - Ever want to create characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were characters?



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Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours.   Enjoy!



The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram Studies and
President of
Optimized Results



Kind Ambition

Click HERE





Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
 Without Losing Your Soul



Kind Ambition
Fan Page
now on



Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life.  Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be  thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.


Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now.  It is a collection of  insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work.  The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.





Kind words for “Kind Ambition”


"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."

-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media




“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve real  growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives his work!”

-Romanus Wolter - Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment




" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The  good news is: they can be overcome.  The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."

-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's

 Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters

Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine




“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life.  Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in  this straightforward and inspirational book.”

     -Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”




" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward ways.  His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."

-Roy King, III , Director Pacific Development Partners





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