Conscious Communication: bringing communication
up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above
in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
Quick Communication Tip
face it, stuff happens, and we get derailed; taken off track. Now
we're in a state where we're not being productive, we're not really
present for people or ourselves, and we're literally losing time (as in
our lifetime.) Some of us stew, some ruminate, some bring
themselves to a boil over and over again. None of that solves the
issue, processes the emotions (as in moving on) or serves us in what we
were doing when we got taken off track.
If we could just snap back faster, the benefits would be thousand-fold
on every level. There is a corollary in physical health, when we
look at cardiac recovery time. The objective is to have the proper
increase in heart rate under stress, and see how quickly we return to
normal when the stressor ends. If our heart rate takes a long time to
come back to normal, we're in trouble. Its' the same thing with our
emotional recovery time; the longer it takes to come back to normal
after the stressor, the worse off we are.
Using a combination of several practices, including what I call
Component Parts Work in my coaching programs, we can minimize the time
lost to being upset, angry, disappointed, and all the other triggers
we're going to face every day. What once might have upset you for
days (losing valuable, productive time) may now only bother you for an
hour or so. What bothered you for an hour, might be a momentary twinge.
Choosing Our Interpretation
you a peek into the process, you know that depending on how you're
feeling, your interpretation of something changes. What was exhilarating
is now dangerous. What was a challenge now looks insurmountable. What
looked impossible now looks like a breeze. Those things didn't change;
you did. Now what if you could have intentional, conscious access to a
"part" of you that had an interpretation (perception) that served you
particularly well. This would be just as viable as any other of your
interpretations that you'd have on any given day. After all we're
talking about one of your real perceptions or interpretations.
Now what if you could train your mind to habitually go for your
resources, to enrich your life, rather than having your mind habitually
repeating the narrative of what triggered you. Which will serve you and
the greater good?
This "skill-set" is called Emotional Resilience, and may be one of the
most important and far reaching skills we can learn. This isn't
detachment or stuffing, or any of the host of band-aid actions we might
take. When we have Emotional Resilience, our heart rate goes up to match
the trigger stimulus, and comes back to normal quickly enough to not
lose ourselves or valuable time.
We can feel our
feelings without being compelled to act them out as if in a play. We'll
feel them just as deeply. We just won't lose productive time. And beyond
the obvious benefit of not feeling angry, frustrated, or disappointed,
getting our time back is a huge benefit. And in keeping with this theme
of time, we can be fully engaged in the present, rather than having our
heads stuck in the past, while the future slips by.
Quick Communication Tip
The Fluidity of Interpretations
We get very used to thinking that our
perceptions are The Truth, as the alternatives can be scary. After all,
if our perceptions are totally "wrong" how can we know when to cross the
street safely? Well life is more complex than black and white, and the
"truths" that we're looking at here are more about how we interpret
anyone in sales (especially telemarketing) will tell you, if you
interpret hearing "no" as a personal rejection, you're not going to last
very long in that job. If you interpret that "no" as a permanent answer,
never to be re-visited, or pervasively what you will always hear from
everyone, every time, that interpretation will not serve you at all. In
fact, it will make you miserable.
There are times when we interpret things one way, and times when we
interpret them another way; and this means that on some level, they are
both "true" for us. If they are both true, then selecting the one that
serves you (and others) would be a preferable choice. The big secret? It
is in fact a choice. You just need to learn how to do this.
Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or
catapult you forward? Come visit the
or better yet,
contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- the podcast series
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Personal Life Media -
"Coaching the Life Coach:"
Communication Excellence (full interview)
for Evolutionary Radio w/ J. McClain
2nd Edition now available
visit the Blog.
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characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were
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Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious
Communication results in success, and how you can
Institute for Integral Enneagram
Without Losing Your Soul
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help
you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work.
The chapters hold to a formula of
first giving you a new way to look at
things, then offering you tangible
Action Steps to try them out, and
finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large
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find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that
will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can
be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is
enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics
solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian
lives his work!”
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The
good news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
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Star of Unapix film,
“Dance Me Outside”
Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward
ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
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