Conscious Communication: bringing communication
up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above
in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
Quick Communication Tip
Where the crazy and conscious collide™
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
"Replacing Fear with Desire"
Instead of Them Driving You
In preparing for a recent talk on pain management
using natural brain chemistry, I found that the mass of chemicals and
electrical impulses we call a brain is a limitless source of discovery.
Some say we use less than 10% of our brain. I certainly know people who
exemplify this, but when we say “use,” I think we need to be more
Our brains are working all the time. We may not be aware of most of
what’s happening, but with or without our permission, our brains are
constantly processing. Electrical impulses and hormonal triggers dance
in a vast chemical soup, and we experience things like joy, sadness,
ecstasy, anger, and depression. Although we may have always thought we
were just passengers on that emotional roller coaster, the truth is, you
have far more power over your experience than you may have thought.
The useful thing to keep in mind here is that
these are systems, and in virtually any system, flow goes both ways.
For example, in cognitive linguistics, we know that our thinking shifts
our language choices, and our language choices shift our thinking. This
means we have a mechanism, and we can affect change. Just as what’s
going on in our lives can affect our insides, our insides can affect
what’s going on in our lives. To be precise, it affects how we feel
about and deal with what’s going on in our lives
What we’re focusing
on here are two aspects of the individual: the psyche and the
physiology. Looking at them from a compartmentalized perspective is
helpful in understanding each part’s role, but the live interplay
between them (mind and body) is a fertile area for you to make an
Our physiology developed and evolved simultaneously with our psyches;
each impacting the other along the way. Understanding how they play
together shows us how we can get intentionally involved, and drive
things the direction we want to go.
Let’s look at a part of the Serotonin mechanism, as an example of how
this works. From an evolutionary standpoint, being “important” to the
tribe was important to survival. We developed a biochemical reward
mechanism in our brains to support this. When you provided something of
value to your tribe, they gave you validation, and your brain got a nice
Serotonin boost. Being able to provide for yourself and others was a
very positive thing in the Neolithic world, and thanks to our brain
chemistry, it felt great too.
The potential double-edged sword here is that if you aren’t getting that
external validation, there’s a chance you won’t feel important, and your
Serotonin level will drop, facilitating depression. This is the nature
of transient solutions; you can’t count on them. I’ve often likened
this to mooring your boat to a piece of kelp; not a particularly stable
or fixed anchor.
Being in command of increasing your Serotonin is better served when your
sense of importance is associated with what won’t disappear or get taken
away from you. This is where what’s usually called a sense of
spirituality enters the scientific picture.
We have an intuitive knowledge that we’re a part of something larger
than ourselves. In String Theory, the Universe is described as a vast
fabric of energetic threads that connect everything. Knowing that we’re
connected like this is a gateway to upward development for our psyches.
The more we “move up” the developmental scale, the less we’re focused on
ourselves in survival mode. In fact, moving up or down on this
three-dimensional model is pretty much a function of how much
survival/stress we’re experiencing.
As we deal with stressful situations, we get narrow-sighted; both
physically and mentally, in response to our survival-threat brain
chemistry, also known as flight or fight. This narrowness limits us to
a lower level of consciousness, primarily focused on I, me, and mine.
So when we’re looking for ways to increase our Serotonin levels while in
survival mode, we look for solutions down there. The problem is that
most of those solutions tend to be transient ones.
This is when that sense of connection becomes an exceptionally practical
perspective. What the Sufis call a “Remembrance of the Oneness” offers
us that sense of importance in a way that doesn’t require validation
from other people. When we feel value and importance as part of a
greater whole, we get our Serotonin boost. The Serotonin boost
regulates our sense of calm, and our internal body clock. Merely
getting in touch with this sense of connectedness actually improves
everything from your mood to sleep to blood platelet production.
mechanisms for boosting other positive brain chemicals and lowering
flight or fight brain chemicals as well, and I’ll take them on in future
installments. For now, just knowing that you have the ability to be in
command, rather than at the mercy, of your own emotional state is a
great start. This is where your sense of importance and self reliance
begins, and that puts you on your path.
- Ian J. Blei
Special Offer - End of Summer/New
As this proved helpful for people last month, I'm going to run another
I'm going to give away 3 complimentary coaching sessions to the first 3
people to email me with this month's "secret word." Ready?
The secret word for September is "Playground." Just put that in your
email, along with your contact info so we can schedule.
Each session is a normally a $187.00 value, and will be worth much more to you in
life-changing ways. Good luck!
Quick Communication Tip
have an internal dialogue going on all the time. Our internal
communication can be encouraging and propelling, or stifling and
limiting. Taking command of that conversation is your first step in
shifting this dynamic from being the passenger to being the driver of
your own life.
Pay close attention to what you’re saying to yourself. Use the
R.A.R.E. process to catch yourself when you’re painting yourself
into a corner, and replace those words with words of encouragement and
solutions. Here’s one tiny example: Simply shifting “can I do this?”
with “how will I do this?” takes you from powerless to empowered. When
you’re asking yourself if you can do it, your abilities are the problem
to be solved. When you’re asking yourself how you will do it, your
abilities are no longer in question, and you focus on solving the actual
problem before you.
Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or
catapult you forward? Come visit the
or better yet,
contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- the podcast series
Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
ourselves, each other, and our relationships
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
visit the Blog.
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Institute for Integral Enneagram
Without Losing Your Soul
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help
you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work.
The chapters hold to a formula of
first giving you a new way to look at
things, then offering you tangible
Action Steps to try them out, and
finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large
organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will
find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that
will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can
be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is
enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics
solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian
lives his work!”
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The
good news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past
President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film,
“Dance Me Outside”
Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward
ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
-Roy King, III