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Internal Prejudice  

"Hierarchies"

Last month we addressed some less-than-conscious areas of our communication; both internal and external.  Starting with the internal, we looked at how we insult or berate ourselves when we make mistakes or forget something.  This is only part of a much larger issue going on, and once again, we can make an enormous difference by how we talk to ourselves.  Take motivation.  It’s more common for us to kick ourselves in the butt rather than ask ourselves for something nicely.  There are hundreds of rationalizations for this and rather than chasing dandelions, let’s look at the root of this internal discord.

Almost every one of us is taught from early childhood that our primary way of taking in and processing the world around us is either wrong or somehow inferior to someone else’s way.  Although we're born with this primary processing center (in its own way quite perfect) external indoctrination sets up a hierarchy, and in the majority of cases puts your natural way down a notch or two.  This is internal prejudice.

A very common example of this would be the “clear, detached thinking over emotional feelings” hierarchy.  Someone who is quite feelings-centric can easily be convinced that their “pain” is a result of their chaotic feelings, and that they “should” control these feelings with detached thinking – to ease their pain.  Two problems arise with this: a self-denigrating program is put in place, and it doesn’t work.

Either in rebellion or from a stronger sense of self, a faction of feelings-centric processing types will assert feelings over thinking in a different hierarchy.  Their rationale will usually invoke authenticity, presence, and a sense of unique identity. 

Limitations or Resources

How we regard aspects of ourselves in hierarchy; judging, rating, and so on, is an extremely limiting belief system.  It fragments us, rather than working toward integration, and it sets up needless inner conflict, where cooperation would serve us better.

We all have at least two of these processing centers naturally (usually all three) and they each take in different information.  The free flow of that information without judgment from one part of you over another part offers you a fuller, richer experience.  Your decisions can be better (more informed) and you can take action more easily, without the internal filibustering and power struggles.

The difference between these extremes of limitations or resources is entirely dependent on your belief.  You are ultimately in charge of this.  If you believe cool, detached thinking is a superior form of processing, or the opposite, you will set up internal conflict and filter the information coming in.  If you acknowledge each of your processing centers as taking in its own forms of information, all equally valid, you eliminate the internal conflict, and take in much more information.  You fully use your own resources.

Equal But Not Separate

Eliminating a belief system about that internal hierarchy does not alter the fact that each of us still has primary processing centers.  When you throw a ball into a room, it hits one surface first, before bouncing to others. This isn’t superiority, it’s merely sequence, and our primary processing center is that first surface encountering life.

It is very difficult to consciously process emotional input, thinking, and sensory impressions simultaneously.  Thankfully we have kind of a biological buffer that stores what we’re taking in while we process it over time.  (This is why we often realize a day later why we felt something the day before.)

Our primary processing center just encounters life first.  If we are taught that it isn’t valid, we spend our lives invalidating ourselves.  If we raise it above the others, we filter and miss information.

By shifting our beliefs about the false hierarchies and prejudices we create with our very abilities to take in and process, we can facilitate a smooth integration of our best aspects.  We can eliminate the internal conflicts and reproaches that stutter and hiccup when we want to take action.  And because these beliefs are about false hierarchies, they are not so difficult to shift, with just a little extra.. say it with me: “consciousness.” 

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Quick Communication Tip

Pronouns!

At the core of both great humor and ferocious arguments, pronouns are convenient, quick, and utterly ambiguous when their antecedent has gotten lost in the conversation.

We know that defining terms is imperative to clear communication, and yet we get a little sloppy with our pronouns.  "He said it wouldn't work if they didn't do it on time."  Huh??  Unfortunately, if the listener doesn't actively go after those antecedents, the assumption game jumps up to bite us on "it."

When you are trying to communicate something clearly, and  without misunderstandings, avoid using pronouns, period.  This is a "measure twice, cut once" time saver, and you'll see dividends immediately.

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Recently, I received some wonderful feedback on a Podcast recorded for the Coaching the Life Coach series on Personal Life Media.  And this is from a Marketing and Communications Professional:

"I thought it was sooooooo worth listening to, learned a lot of tips I plan to use right away, found it something that was not superficial (which I can't stand) and really made me think - deeply.  GREAT JOB!  Will save this and listen often." - Alison Bliss, Film Commission, City of Alameda

So in hopes that you'd like some fun education while you're working out, biking, driving, or at your computer, here's that Podcast:

Communication Excellence Podcast "Coaching the Life Coach" department for Personal Life Media (direct download)

Want more?  Here you go:

"Why Communication Goes Awry" - Interview for Entrepreneur Magazine Radio w/ Romanus Wolter

Interview Podcast for Evolutionary Radio w/ Jason McClain

Kind Ambition - 2nd Edition now available

Got Blog? come visit the Blog.  Rants and delvings for your entertainment.