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July 2006 |
The Dark Matter Between Us
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Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours. Enjoy!
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Kind Ambition:
Kind Ambition
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driver’s seat of your
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Circumstances will always be
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Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.
There’s no way around it; communication is the dark matter in and around and between every one of us "heavenly bodies." It both separates and connects us, and is as much a mystery as a paradox. We are so accustomed to floating amidst it, that we take the mystery for granted. We become less than conscious of its existence, its importance, its complexities, and most of all, how much we depend upon it every day of our lives.
For the most part, we become aware of communication issues in the same way as we become aware of dark matter. Not by observing the communication itself, but by observing the reactions or movement in others brought about by it.
This puts us in the position of observing reactions, and then reacting to those reactions - not the most self-directed strategy. The alternative to this would be taking a more pro-active, or at least more in-the-moment approach. The only way to do that is to observe this dark matter (communication) directly, rather than relying solely on the observation of reactions to it. Of course, a combination of both will give the best information, so that is our target.
Start with the mystery We often try to answer as many unknowns as possible up front with someone, in our desire for understanding (high road) and probably with a helping of impatience. Unfortunately, to accomplish this we often do a fair amount of filling in the blanks on our own; also known as assuming and projecting. Big mistake. This is where that dark matter comes in. When we make our assumptions, we might be right - or not. If we keep going merrily down the road of that conversation, sales call, negotiation, with incorrect or inaccurate information, we are not likely to have the outcome we’re looking for. Assume nothing and you’re forced to ask questions to fill in those blanks.
It’s one thing to empathize with someone, but as soon as the voice in our head says, “if it were me, and I did or said that, it would mean _____,” we need to apply the old brain brakes and remember that they are not us, so we won’t understand until we ask.
Life is very different on your planet As we are shaped by our life experiences mixing with our genetics, our view of our surroundings is our view, not the way things are. They may be the way things are for you, but remembering that this is not objective is incredibly important and powerful when interacting with other beings who have their own distinct views. These views shape our language and our communication styles, so there is no escaping them.
Interestingly enough, this is a two-way street. By listening carefully to someone’s language and communication style, you can gather important information about the way they see the world around them (remember to ask questions to stay on the right track). Once you understand their view, you can meet them in their experience of the world. Are they drawn to aspirations of ideals or comforted by thoughts of security? Do they see patterns of sameness or do the differences in things jump out at them? Do details bore them or intrigue them? Does taking action excite them or frighten them? Do you see how knowing these things could enhance any conversation, sales call, or negotiation?
The final frontier
Imagine really connecting with the people you live and work around, without misunderstandings getting out of control, and being able to communicate with them in their native language? How much more effective could you be? How much conflict could you avert? You can take the surprises out of your relationships. It’s all about shining a light on the dark matter we call communication.
My July 14 seminar will focus specifically on turning up our sensors to pick up the secret signals in that dark matter we call communication. If you want to learn more, there are still a few seats left. Come join us.
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Kind Words for “Kind Ambition:”
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-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
"
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these -Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine
“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this straightforward and inspirational book.” -Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches Star of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”
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Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now. It is a collection of insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work. The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.
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