Conscious Communication: bringing communication
up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above
in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
Quick Communication Tip
Instant Rapport: Chase
Less, Close More
Thursday, June 20th 2013
Networking, Wine, Appetizers, and a
My Way and Your Way
enormous amount of the miscommunications and miscues we deal with every
day come from a common root: we’re focused on how we see things being,
for lack of a better word: “reality.” If we really think about this, the
silliness of it comes to light, but unfortunately we rarely think about
it. We just go on our merry way believing our perspective is the
objective truth, not taking into account what we don’t see, don’t know,
or haven’t yet thought about. The number of areas this affects is
The first thing we’re going to run into is the familiar “I’m right, no
I’m right” argument. This argument shows up in our personal and
professional lives, and stands as an unmoving wall obstructing
communication, cooperation, and collaboration. We see what we believe to
be The Way to do something, and then anything different must be wrong
somehow. Once we’ve decided that any other approach is wrong, we put
ourselves in argument mode, and it’s “on.”
This position also limits our ability to convey ideas, as we can get
stuck conveying them in only one way. If you don’t understand, then
you’re wrong in how you’re listening, or wrong in how you’re
interpreting what I’m saying. Do you see how this puts us in a corner,
without much wiggle room to work together to arrive at a common
Perspective and Perception
back up a little bit to see how inaccurate our original premise was.
When we’re focused on how we’re seeing something being objective
reality, we’re forgetting that what we perceive is driven by our
perspective. The tried and true example of this is how we perceive a
driver swerving as he drives down the street. From one perspective, we
see him swerving for no reason, and perceive him being a bad driver.
From another perspective we see him swerve to avoid the puppy that ran
into the street, and we perceive him as having great reflexes.
Our perception changed when our perspective changed. Sometimes our
perspective is influenced by new information. When we learn more about
something our perspective on it shifts. If our perspective shifted, then
obviously what we now perceive will shift as well. This means that our
perception can’t be an objective reality. It must be subjective; subject
to that shift in perspective. This is enormously freeing, because now we
know we don’t have to be so locked into one way of seeing things.
Way is Actually Several Ways
perspectives change for so many reasons. Sometimes it’s about having
more information. Sometimes it’s about our situation or circumstances.
When we’re in “survival mode,” we see things very differently than when
things are going along smoothly. This means that the exact same thing
can look very different to us, depending upon what’s going on. Something
that’s no big deal when life is running smoothly can look huge when
things are rough. This shows us that we have multiple perceptions, right
in line with our multiple perspectives.
Staying conscious and aware of having these multiple ways of seeing
things is where we can really make a huge difference in our interactions
with others. The more open and flexible we are with our “assertions” of
how things are, or how they need to be done, the more we’re able to see
others’ ways as being valid too. If something that looks scary to you on
Monday can look fun on Saturday, why can’t it look fun to someone else
This one idea totally opens the door to better interactions and
communication. The more we can “stretch” our imaginations to see the
other person’s perception, the less conflict we’ll have, and the more
easily we’ll be able to communicate with them. This reaches into every
area from our word choices to our pace and tempo. If we know that we
talk fast when we’re nervous, we’re much less likely to judge someone
else who’s talking fast. If we remember that we use more heart-based
language when we’re nervous, we’re more likely to be open to another
person’s heart-based language.
Finally, the more open to another person’s communication style we can
be, the more we can join them in their world, seeing from their
perspective. This impacts everything from increasing close ratios in
sales to simply getting along better.
Special Offer - Start of Summer
is about change. It often marks ending one stage of life and
moving on to a new, exciting one, as people graduate, move, get married,
etc. To celebrate this time of change, I want to make you a
I'm going to give away 3 complimentary coaching sessions to the first 3
people to email me with this month's "secret word." Ready?
The secret word is "Linguistics." Just put that in your email, along with your
contact info so we can schedule.
Each session is a $187.00 value, and will be worth much more to you in
life-changing ways. Good luck!
Quick Communication Tip
The Empty Cup
an old Buddhist parable that tells of an impatient student and his
teacher. The student feels that he knows so much, and that he just
wants to get going already. So he visits his teacher, and tells
him to hurry up and finish his training. Knowing so much already,
he thinks the teacher should be able to just complete everything right
teacher suggests having a cup of tea first, and begins to pour. He
keeps pouring and pouring, and the cup overflows onto the table.
The student shouts "stop, my cup is full!" The teacher smiles and
says, "yes, apparently so. Perhaps you should come back when it's
We tend to go into interactions with our "cup full" of assumptions, ways
things should be, how we see things, and so on. Unfortunately this
doesn't leave room for new information to come in. What we really
need to do is empty our cup first, so that we can really listen, and
really take in new information.
Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or
catapult you forward? Come visit the
or better yet,
contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- the podcast series
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
visit the Blog.
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characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were
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Communication results in success, and how you can
Institute for Integral Enneagram
Without Losing Your Soul
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help
you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work.
The chapters hold to a formula of
first giving you a new way to look at
things, then offering you tangible
Action Steps to try them out, and
finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large
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-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics
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-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The
good news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
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Star of Unapix film,
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