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Getting Each Other

Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.

  No time? Listen to the  podcast (7:02 min.) in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.


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Instant Rapport: Chase Less, Close More

Thursday, June 20th 2013

Networking, Wine, Appetizers, and a Seminar!

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Getting Each Other
(click for podcast)

My Way and Your Way
An enormous amount of the miscommunications and miscues we deal with every day come from a common root: we’re focused on how we see things being, for lack of a better word: “reality.” If we really think about this, the silliness of it comes to light, but unfortunately we rarely think about it. We just go on our merry way believing our perspective is the objective truth, not taking into account what we don’t see, don’t know, or haven’t yet thought about. The number of areas this affects is staggering.

The first thing we’re going to run into is the familiar “I’m right, no I’m right” argument. This argument shows up in our personal and professional lives, and stands as an unmoving wall obstructing communication, cooperation, and collaboration. We see what we believe to be The Way to do something, and then anything different must be wrong somehow. Once we’ve decided that any other approach is wrong, we put ourselves in argument mode, and it’s “on.”

This position also limits our ability to convey ideas, as we can get stuck conveying them in only one way. If you don’t understand, then you’re wrong in how you’re listening, or wrong in how you’re interpreting what I’m saying. Do you see how this puts us in a corner, without much wiggle room to work together to arrive at a common solution?

Perspective and Perception
Let’s back up a little bit to see how inaccurate our original premise was. When we’re focused on how we’re seeing something being objective reality, we’re forgetting that what we perceive is driven by our perspective. The tried and true example of this is how we perceive a driver swerving as he drives down the street. From one perspective, we see him swerving for no reason, and perceive him being a bad driver. From another perspective we see him swerve to avoid the puppy that ran into the street, and we perceive him as having great reflexes.

Our perception changed when our perspective changed. Sometimes our perspective is influenced by new information. When we learn more about something our perspective on it shifts. If our perspective shifted, then obviously what we now perceive will shift as well. This means that our perception can’t be an objective reality. It must be subjective; subject to that shift in perspective. This is enormously freeing, because now we know we don’t have to be so locked into one way of seeing things.

Maybe My Way is Actually Several Ways
Our perspectives change for so many reasons. Sometimes it’s about having more information. Sometimes it’s about our situation or circumstances. When we’re in “survival mode,” we see things very differently than when things are going along smoothly. This means that the exact same thing can look very different to us, depending upon what’s going on. Something that’s no big deal when life is running smoothly can look huge when things are rough. This shows us that we have multiple perceptions, right in line with our multiple perspectives.

Staying conscious and aware of having these multiple ways of seeing things is where we can really make a huge difference in our interactions with others. The more open and flexible we are with our “assertions” of how things are, or how they need to be done, the more we’re able to see others’ ways as being valid too. If something that looks scary to you on Monday can look fun on Saturday, why can’t it look fun to someone else on Monday?

This one idea totally opens the door to better interactions and communication. The more we can “stretch” our imaginations to see the other person’s perception, the less conflict we’ll have, and the more easily we’ll be able to communicate with them. This reaches into every area from our word choices to our pace and tempo. If we know that we talk fast when we’re nervous, we’re much less likely to judge someone else who’s talking fast. If we remember that we use more heart-based language when we’re nervous, we’re more likely to be open to another person’s heart-based language.

Finally, the more open to another person’s communication style we can be, the more we can join them in their world, seeing from their perspective. This impacts everything from increasing close ratios in sales to simply getting along better.


Special Offer - Start of Summer
June is about change.  It often marks ending one stage of life and moving on to a new, exciting one, as people graduate, move, get married, etc.  To celebrate this time of change, I want to make you a Special Offer

I'm going to give away 3 complimentary coaching sessions to the first 3 people to email me with this month's "secret word."  Ready?
The secret word is "Linguistics." Just put that in your email, along with your contact info so we can schedule. 

Each session is a $187.00 value, and will be worth much more to you in life-changing ways.  Good luck!


Quick Communication Tip

The Empty Cup
There's an old Buddhist parable that tells of an impatient student and his teacher.  The student feels that he knows so much, and that he just wants to get going already.  So he visits his teacher, and tells him to hurry up and finish his training.  Knowing so much already, he thinks the teacher should be able to just complete everything right there.

The teacher suggests having a cup of tea first, and begins to pour.  He keeps pouring and pouring, and the cup overflows onto the table.  The student shouts "stop, my cup is full!"  The teacher smiles and says, "yes, apparently so.  Perhaps you should come back when it's empty."

We tend to go into interactions with our "cup full" of assumptions, ways things should be, how we see things, and so on.  Unfortunately this doesn't leave room for new information to come in.  What we really need to do is empty our cup first, so that we can really listen, and really take in new information.

Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward?  Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.


Resource Links:

Conscious Communication - the podcast series

KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Integram (TM)

Kind Ambition - 2nd Edition

Got Blog? c
ome visit the Blog.

Character Driven - Ever want to create characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were characters?



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Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours.   Enjoy!



The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram Studies and
President of
Optimized Results



Kind Ambition

Click HERE





Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
 Without Losing Your Soul



Kind Ambition
Fan Page
now on



Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life.  Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be  thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.


Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now.  It is a collection of  insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work.  The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.





Kind words for “Kind Ambition”


"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."

-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media




“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve real  growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives his work!”

-Romanus Wolter - Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment




" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The  good news is: they can be overcome.  The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."

-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's

 Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters

Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine




“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life.  Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in  this straightforward and inspirational book.”

     -Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”




" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward ways.  His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."

-Roy King, III , Director Pacific Development Partners





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