Getting Derailed Communication Back on Track
Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.
podcast version (8:43 min.) in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
Getting Derailed Communication Back On Track
(click for podcast version)
So Many Rails, So Little Time
A difference of
opinion or argument can be healthy and productive. When it’s more about
less than conscious communication process, we get the endless tug-of-war
that eats our time and energy. Think about how much time you spent with
an initial interaction that went badly, and then add the amount of time
you spent thinking about it afterward, plus the follow up communication
time, plus how much more time you now spend thinking about the follow
up, then multiply that times how many occurrences in a day, and times
everyone else spending their time and energy the same way, and you’ll
see we’re talking about a vast amount of time and energy being wasted.
That’s a valuable resource we can reclaim.
Using Their Perspective
The exact same person who prefaces a sentence with “I think ____,” will also likely manage incoming information with a built in “threat-model” that will include scarcity and an avoidance of anxiety in their natural way of organizing. Another person who prefaces a sentence with “I feel_____,” will likely manage incoming information through a filter of social placement and aspiration toward an ideal. In previous articles, I’ve mentioned the connection between translating into a Big Picture vs. a Detail Oriented view and the tempo of our speech.
This is a secondary organization of
input, invariably stemming from a translation of time or details
impacting Identity, Safety, or Rightness. For example a person who’s
sense of identity is a “busy, important person,” or a someone who
connects survival with continuous movement will be averse to the time
required to process details, whereas another person will equate those
details with their own survival. These are enormously different ways to
be in the
same world. Paying attention to this and
working with it, rather than in the dark, gives us a phenomenal
advantage when it comes to communication.
Triple Bottom Line of Communication
When we’re addressing a single person, we can assess their core perspective by listening to their language choices and the organization of their arguments. There will be a central theme of identity, rightness, or safety, that shapes and organizes their thoughts and feelings and they will express this. When we’re really listening, we can pick up on this, and organize our “argument” in their form of organizing. This is very similar to speaking the language of another people when visiting their land.
Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or catapult you forward? Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
Conscious Communication - the podcast series
Personal Life Media - "Coaching the Life Coach:"
Interview for Entrepreneur Magazine Radio w/ R. Wolter
Interview Podcast for Evolutionary Radio w/ J. McClain2nd Edition now availableome visit the Blog.
Ever want to create
characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were
Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours. Enjoy!
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And of course
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Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life. Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now. It is a collection of insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work. The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for “Kind Ambition”
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
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