|
February 2006 |
Why Do I Have to Go First?! |
|
|
Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours. Enjoy!
"Kick
Start Your Success" Book Launch Party!
"Optimize
Your Communications for Success" Seminar
w/ Ian Blei
You want
Results
You want the
best Results
You want
Optimized Results
available at Amazon.com
Send a
Check for $15.00 (Discount & FREE SHIPPING)
to:
Optimized Results
P.O. Box
460638
S.F., CA
94146-0638
Include your name and shipping
address.
I will process your order,
autograph your book, and get it out to you within 48 hours.
I guarantee. :-)
Email me if you have any questions.
Also available at:
Kind Ambition:
Kind Ambition
is
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
own life. Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
be in
charge of your choices
and actions more than you might
imagine - yet.
KKind Ambition
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
use
right now. It is a
collection of
insights and actions designed to
help
you move forward and get
more out
of your life at home and
at work.
The chapters hold to a
formula of
first giving you a new
way to look at
things, then offering
you tangible
Action Steps to try
them out, and
finally some things
to notice when you do.
Come
visit our site
"Kind Ambition |
Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.
Throughout my consulting practice, I have put the onus upon my clients to strive for understanding others, have com-passion for others, and to see the world through other’s eyes. Recently, someone asked some rather simple questions that raised an interesting point:
“Why should I take the first step, or make the first move? Why do I have to understand their way of seeing things? Why can’t they try to understand me the way I say things? Why can’t they just see it my way?”
There are many ways to look at this, but one thing you can count on is that you could wait a long time for the other person to make the first move, and it may not happen.
The ritual of holding out one’s empty “weapon hand” (how shaking hands originated) has become so unconscious that we’ve forgotten how “going first” is synonymous with initiating interaction.
My father, who’s a biochemist, described a natural way of looking at this phenomenon that transcends social niceties or rules of behavior. There is a simple reality in physics: energy flows from a warm body to a cold body. This is how the energy transfer begins the process of achieving equilibrium.
By initiating interaction with a genuine desire to understand the other person, you become a warm body. This allows the other person to warm up to you, and the flow is reciprocated. Eventually, the flow back and forth reaches something akin to physical equilibrium, and the relationship moves forward.
Make the 1st Move – ‘Tis Better to Give Than to Receive. Extend the hand (or ear) and you are offering a gift: the gift of your attention. This gets the ball rolling, as you’ve removed the obstacle of fear from the other person. They’re no longer in a position of “hoping” (with a bit of anxiety) that you will listen to them, or at least not make them feel dismissed. You’ve given them a sense of safety about opening up to you, and you get the reward of what comes from that open exchange.
Don’t do a Sales Song-and-Dance – Interaction is a 2-Way Street. When someone monopolizes the conversation and you can’t get a word in edgewise, it can feel as if there’s no point in even being there. You certainly don’t want that to be someone’s experience of you. There are usually two reasons we fall into a pattern or habit of “verbal streaming.”
First, there is the common developmental issue of narcissism or self-absorption. This turns every interaction into a one-way street (and usually a very short one at that!) You may have heard the joke about the narcissist going on and on about himself, until he realizes it and says, “Enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think of my outfit?” Stay conscious of your intent: interaction – back and forth exchange. Keep the horse in front of the cart.
The second reason we fall into that pattern is good old fear or anxiety. At the root of this is a belief or feeling of scarcity; there’s not enough time, I’ve only got this one chance, what if I don’t get my point across, or they don’t like me? Ironically, none of that matters, and none of that will be what the interaction hinges on. When you foster two-way interaction, you remove those obstacles, because now the other person will want to have more interaction with you in the future, so you’ve eliminated scarcity.
The Last Step – A Leap of Faith. There’s one last piece of anxiety to address, and that would be over your leap of faith that this process works. Go ahead and put yourself in the position of the other person you want to interact with. If it were you, how would you respond to someone actively listening to you, being fully engaged, and not interrupting you? You’d probably relax, enjoy yourself, and remember what a good time you had with this person. You’d want more. You’d feel comfortable that they really hear you, and that you’d be able to work with them. Isn’t that exactly what you want others to think of you? There’s an old expression about why we have two ears and only one mouth. Really listening gets the flow of energy and interaction moving, that will lead you to greater success. ****************************
Kind Words for “Kind Ambition:”
“...easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
achieve real
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
"
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these -Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth:
A Working Woman's Manifesto Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine
"
Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward -Roy King, III, Director Pacific Development Partners
|
|
|
What We Do | How It Works | About Us | Success Stories | Resources | FAQs © 2001- 2007 Optimized Results. All Rights Reserved P. O. Box 460638 San Francisco, CA 94146-0638 |
||
