|
January 2007 |
Just Don't Do It!
|
|||||||
|
Welcome to the Conscious Communication Chronicle, sharing how Conscious Communication results in success, and how you can achieve yours. Enjoy!
Upcoming Seminars & Events:
"Optimize
Your Communications for Success"
-Private
Workshop-
"Optimize
Your Communications for Success"
-Private
Seminar-
Podcast for Evolutionary Radio w/ Jason McClain.
"Kind
Ambition" New Year's Sale: Buy one copy at $15, and
get a second copy for only $5 more.
In addition, every order of
10 copies will include an 11th copy FREE.
2nd Edition now available
Kind Ambition:
Kind Ambition
is
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
own life.
Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
be in
charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
Kind Ambition
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
use
right now. It is a
collection of
insights and actions designed to
help
you move forward and get
more out
of your life at home and
at work.
The chapters hold to a
formula of
first giving you a new
way to look at
things, then offering
you tangible
Action Steps to try
them out, and
finally some things to notice when you do.
Come
visit our site
"Kind Ambition
Got Blog?
Ever want to create
characters that were so believable, that people forgot they were
characters?
|
Conscious Communication: bringing communication up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above all, intentional.
Ah the oversimplified, Dr. Phil approach to change: just stop doing what you're doing. On the face of it, the oversimplification is ridiculous, however there is a fundamental aspect of real change that starts here.
These newsletters explore bringing consciousness to your communication; and not to be limiting, consciousness to your life. The very first step of making any kind of change begins with awareness, and yes consciousness. We have to recognize what we're doing, (or not doing) especially when we're not getting our desired outcome. If you've made some New Year's Resolutions, we're going to look at how you can make them a reality.
The first stumbling point is often recognizing our behavior as we step over a line, and thinking how much we wish we didn't do that. We say we want to change, we say we can't change, we say it's just the way we are, we say we wish we could change, and then we proceed as usual. With this added consciousness, we now beat ourselves up a little too, because we "should" do what we say we want to do, and shaming ourselves is ever so empowering - not! And yes, this is why even making New Year's Resolutions has dropped by 50% over the last few years. Why make them, when you're only going to break them and feel badly about yourself?
Obviously there's another piece to this. Probably the hardest part of stopping the ball from rolling downhill mirrors the physics of stopping that ball; Newton's first two laws of motion (forgive my abridgement in the name of simplification). First, a body at rest remains at rest, and a body in motion continues to move until an external force acts upon it. Second, the rate of change of momentum of a body is directly proportional to the impressed force and in the direction in which the force acts.
In other words, it isn't going to stop happening by itself. Once we recognize that we "explode" when we don't want to, or use our tongues like razors, we have to exert another force, significant enough to alter if not stop the course of our behavior.
Exemplum InterruptusThe first step after the conscious recognition of the pattern, is to interrupt the pattern. Every time we repeat a behavior, we reinforce the neural pathways that map it in our brains. Even when we are chiding ourselves about "doing it again!" we are building stronger and deeper neural paths, making it harder and harder for our brains to take another route.
This can be as simple as the internal dialogue, where you tell yourself you can't change, (and make it so) all the way up to complex rationalizations for why the status quo is unchangeable (external circumstances, people, genetics, astrology, etc.)
We actually have to start with the simple physics of it, and apply enough force to the ball rolling downhill, that we change its course or stop it in its tracks. Talk to anyone who has successfully kicked cigarettes or any major addiction; you must interrupt your patterns. Any approach where the patterns survive (tapering off, for example) simply don't work. We have to stop "going off" on people cold turkey.
New PatternsOnce we interrupt the old pattern, it can feel odd leaving a void. Either we replace it with a new pattern, or we'll likely slide back to the old pattern just to fill the space. If you can create a pattern where you can fully appreciate that space, and be comfortable there, go for it. Otherwise, look at what you want to be doing, rather than what you have been doing.
If you want to have more compassion for someone who has historically pushed your buttons, you need to "cut the red wire" from the buttons, and then consciously respond with the compassion you aspire toward.
In the beginning, you will not be adept, and this is both normal and necessary. We're so adept at doing [insert bad habit] in a destructive manner, that we don't even need to be conscious. Now, it's a whole new behavior/game, and you have to consciously concentrate just to be okay at it.
Over time you'll develop new neural pathways, and you'll become much more adept. Eventually, you may become so adept at the new way of being, that you may become somewhat unconscious again - albeit with healthier patterns. If you want to continue evolving, don't get too complacent. Stay in the conscious stage, and you'll be able to continue changing your behavior and your world, because you'll be directly involved in it.
Remember, the next time you're about to blow your stack, or make up a story in your head to explain someone else's behavior, just don't do it!
The public seminars at Fort Mason are back! If you've never been, now's your chance. If you have been, come back and bring your friends, partners, family; your relationships will thank you, and you'll be glad you came.
****************
“Kind Ambition” Featured in Women's Day Magazine!!!
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying." -Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
achieve real
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
"
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these -Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine
“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this straightforward and inspirational book.”
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past
President of SF Coaches
" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life." -Roy King, III, Director Pacific Development Partners
|
|||
|
What We Do | How It Works | About Us | Success Stories | Resources | FAQs © 2001- 2006 Optimized Results. All Rights Reserved P. O. Box 460638 San Francisco, CA 94146-0638 |
||||
