Conscious Communication: bringing communication
up from "auto-pilot" and reactive, to thoughtful, responsive, and above
in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
Quick Communication Tip
Go for the Roots
Why do we seek change and growth? What are we looking for? Is it that
we’re not getting the results we want? Are we feeling like we’ve almost
got it down, but there’s something more, something better just out of
reach? Can we see that our old strategies are falling short and maybe
even holding us back?
In my experience, all of the above seem to find their way into our
lives. What’s really interesting is that 90% of the problems clients
bring my way turn out to be symptoms of deeper issues they haven’t even
recognized yet. There are so many metaphors for this process of chasing
symptoms, and not getting ahead of them. Some people spend the day,
“putting out fires.” Some run around clipping “dandelions,” only to see
them back the next day. One of my favorite images comes from a game at
Fisherman’s Wharf called “Whack-a-Mole,” where every time you whack a
mole popping up, another one pops up from another hole. What these
images all have in common is the amount of energy wasted in trying to
solve root issues by chasing symptoms.
Once we become frustrated enough, we usually seek help. We talk to
advisors, consultants, therapists, friends, and coaches. Everybody has
ideas for how to deal with this problem or that problem, and yet it’s
still more of the same, because we’re dealing with these individual
situations as if they were the problems, so they keep showing up again.
There’s a quote attributed to Albert Einstein saying that “we cannot
solve our problems with the same thinking that created them.” We need a
distinctive change in our thinking, and a process for implementing the
change we seek.
We need to literally de-bug and re-write our cerebral software, so we
can get out of our own way and truly thrive. How do we do it? If our
subconscious and unconscious mind is having their way with us, how do we
get our conscious mind involved, so we can change? To start, we need a
way to decode what our sub and unconscious mind is doing so we can pass
that information on to our conscious mind. To do this, we need to use
three tools that will enable us to affect and implement deep,
sustainable, transformational change: Mindfulness, Somatic Awareness,
and Cognitive Linguistics.
Somatic Awareness, and Cognitive Linguistics
We can’t solve problems we can’t see. First we have to be open to
whatever is, and stop trying to force our internal mental constructs on
reality. This is Mindfulness at its core; being exceptionally present to
take in and absorb what is, without fighting it tooth and nail, or
running away to escape it. Mindfulness puts us in a mental state where
we’re one with everything that’s working and not working, seeing,
feeling, and being a part of it, so that we can understand what’s
happening. Mindfulness allows us to see that we’re losing our tempers,
being impatient, making assumptions, getting judgmental, or even that
we’re simply missing information, due to not being as present.
Then we need to have an “early warning system.” Before we go off the
cliff, we need an alarm to sound. It turns out that our bodies give us
cues all the time before we do things, but we don’t necessarily listen
(or know how to listen.) This skill is called Somatic Awareness. Before
we do things we don’t consciously want to do, our bodies send us
signals. Our chests get tight, our faces get hot or flushed, our throats
tighten up, and so on. This is almost like a wind-up before a pitch or a
backswing in golf.
The more Somatically Aware we are, the more easily we hear our bodies
warn us that we’re about to go off the rails. This is where we can
insert a “pattern interrupt,” and not follow a pattern that isn’t
serving us. This is where we can turn left instead of right or take a
deep breath instead of yelling at someone.
Now we’re poised at that precipice, but we haven’t implemented the new
software yet. No real change is going to happen until we do that,
because the void we’re leaving by stopping ourselves will get filled
quickly; and usually with another bad “habit.”
Enter our third tool: Cognitive Linguistics. This is the language of
your conscious mind, and this is where we can give ourselves new
instructions. The wonderful thing about Cognitive Linguistics is that
they’re a two-way street. Our words affect the way we think, and the way
we think affects our word choice. In implementing the new “code,” we
select the right words to shift the internal dialogue, and then repeat
this process until it gets “wired” into our cortex. Cognitive
Linguistics can take us from defeated to inspired, and from overwhelm to
These tools combine to get you exceptionally optimized results. If you
want to solve what seems like hundreds of problems, first you need the
Mindfulness to see that they’re actually symptoms. Then, continuing the
process, you’ll have a system that works every time. Success is all
about how artfully this process is carried out. Doing it on your own can
be tricky; we all have blindspots; that’s why you need a coach
well-versed and experienced in this specific process.
- Ian J. Blei
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3 Dynamic Discovery Sessions to three lucky people (who haven't already
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Discover your Operating System and how that gives you resources
and alerts you to challenges, so you can be every bit as incredible as
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Each session is a $250.00 value, and will be worth much more to you in
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Quick Communication Tip
I’m repeating this concept from our last
newsletter, because it’s so strongly related to today’s theme. This
time, we’ll plug those tools where they fit into the process I call
RARE, (Recognize, Arrest, Replace, and Evolve.) We start with
Mindfulness which allows us to be able to pay attention to what’s going
on in a conscious manner. Then our Somatic Awareness helps us to
Recognize when we're about to engage in something that isn’t serving us,
such as an old habit. That enables us to Arrest that habit or behavior
before we engage in it, which is often called a "pattern interrupt."
The next step becomes that much more important, because at this stage,
we're basically standing poised on one foot. Nature abhors a void, so we
need to Replace that old habit with a new one. This is where Cognitive
Linguistics steps in. We use our inner dialogue to establish a
Replacement habit that serves us. This part is one of the more creative
aspects of good coaching.
The last letter is for Evolve, because over time (usually between 21 and
28 days) we will have successfully re-wired our brain from the old way
of doing things or thinking (habit) to the new way, and from a manner of
being or communicating that didn't serve us, to one that does serve us.
Want to learn more about how your communication can hold you back or
catapult you forward? Come visit the
or better yet,
contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- the podcast series
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
visit the Blog.
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Communication results in success, and how you can
Institute for Integral Enneagram
Without Losing Your Soul
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help
you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work.
The chapters hold to a formula of
first giving you a new way to look at
things, then offering you tangible
Action Steps to try them out, and
finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large
organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will
find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that
will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can
be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is
enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics
solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian
lives his work!”
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The
good news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past
President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film,
“Dance Me Outside”
Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward
ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
-Roy King, III