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2015
 

     Compassion is Pragmatic

The Integram: an Integral Enneagram of Consciousness;  a model of consciousness, including all aspects, for designing practical paths of personal development and evolution.

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Compassion is Pragmatic
(click for podcast)

This may seem counter-intuitive, but in the sustainable scheme of things, compassion is an extremely pragmatic exercise, despite our culture’s “mushy” associations. First, let’s get on the same page with a fresh definition.

Compassion is a sympathetic awareness of others’ distress and a desire to alleviate it as we would our own. We’re equals in understanding one another’s experience.  This is where the pragmatic part comes in.

Compassion - or the lack of it - is behind virtually every interaction we have. Everyone needs some level of “understanding their experience.” That point of connection and understanding is the fuel that drives interaction. It can be high-octane rocket fuel, or low-octane sludge. Taking it seriously propels success, so if it doesn’t feel built-in, it’s definitely a skill set worth learning.

Looking at each other from a new paradigm is a theme throughout “Kind Ambition.” We need to take awareness further than the old “walk a mile in their shoes” concept. If we’re stuck in our own perspective, walking in someone else’s shoes won’t give you true insight into their perspective. Compassion gives you the ability to be in their skin, looking out at the world through their filters. This turbocharges your communication.

So how can we figure out who they are? Where does their lens of perspective point? As nothing defines personality and language quite like motivation, that’s where our system for enhancing compassion is centered.

We can look at ourselves defined by motivation from the inside out, but that doesn’t always help in understanding others from the outside in. We need another step: language, or more precisely cognitive linguistics. Because our lens of perspective or primary motivation crafts our language, our finely tuned ear can clue us in to another person’s lens.

By listening closely, and asking questions that’ll help you grasp their focus, you’ll be able to gather a vast amount of information about them, enabling you to understand far more in less time. Their subtext becomes clear, without assumption or projection, and you can speak their language. Let’s give you a few alternative communication approaches to use when you hear the clues that fit.


Clue:
Someone uses very precise language, always in a context of politeness. They seem to be very rules oriented, and get frustrated with how things are clashing with how they should be.

Approach:
Avoid direct disagreement in favor of offering alternatives, and respect their commitment to doing things the “right way.”

Clue:
Someone uses fast, to-the-point language, seems to be in a hurry, and focused on a specific goal or objective. They may seem a bit competitive and focused on being seen as successful.

Approach:
Understand that their impatience is due to preferring action to talking or planning, so keep the interaction short and to-the-point. If at all possible, bring the goal or objective to the foreground quickly.

Clue:
Someone seems to shoot down ideas, or tests you or your words with doubt and maybe a bit of skepticism. Maybe they see themselves as trouble-shooters.

Approach: Show your cards from the outset. Let them know why you’re there, what you want, and what your agenda is straight off, so they won’t feel the need to assess your hidden motives.

Clue:
Someone is always enthusiastic, bubbling with brainstorms, interested in everything, and wanting to be a major part of everything going on. They may have less interest in details or follow-up.

Approach: Use language that just hits the headlines, gives them room to be enthusiastic, and doesn’t pop their bubbles.

Clue: Someone interacts in a toe-to-toe, maybe even what might feel confrontational style. You might feel their force of will from their energy alone.

Approach: Meet them energetically, but don’t fold or raise.  Interact with them in a straight from the hip, no sugarcoating, no BS manner. They want real commitment without excuses. Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

Clue:
Someone appears to agree with you, but when the time comes to act, you find out they didn’t. They seem to have difficulty with priorities and decisions, and can become almost “invisible” to avoid conflict.

Approach:
Use precise language, leaving little to interpretation.  Give them time to think things through, and let them know it’s okay to disagree. When they seem to start over-thinking, remind them of their strong intuition.

Just listening intently enough to make these distinctions will have already alerted the mirror neurons in your brain to begin synchronizing with the other person. We aren’t chameleons, and need to retain our authentic selves during these interactions, but if you aim for these approaches, you’ll find yourself truly sharing their experience and communicating effortlessly. You’ll be using compassion as a pragmatic skill-set to enhance and enrich your interactions with everyone in your life. This may be the single most powerful skill-set we have as human beings
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Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible?  Come visit the web site, or better yet, contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.

     - Ian J. Blei


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"Kind Ambition" Offer:

To date, I've only offered a special on "Kind Ambition" for the December holidays, so people can pick up a bunch of "stocking stuffer" gifts conveniently and inexpensively, and felt it was time for a different kind of special offer.

From now until June 30th, I'm going to set up a special sale for "Kind Ambition." When you pick up 5 copies, to share with clients, friends, and family, I'm reducing the list price ($15.95) down to wholesale ($10.00) and paying your tax and  shipping, AND throwing in a 6th copy FREE!

That's over a $125.00 value for only $50.00

"My clients are going to be so much easier to work with after they read Kind Ambition!" - M.P., S.F. Business Coach

Don't miss this opportunity! Everyone you give this book to will thank you, and that includes a gift to yourself!

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I'm also offering 3 complimentary Dynamic Discovery Sessions to the first 3 people (who haven't already worked with me) who email me this month's secret word: "Acetylcholine"

A thought isn't a thought until there's transmission and interaction.  Want to see how you're doing both? Just put "Acetylcholine" in the Subject Line of your email, along with your contact info, and we'll schedule your session.


He combines his extensive knowledge of integral theory, the Enneagram, and neuroscience, in a seamless way (truly a Grand Unifying Theory of Everything), and helps you apply this greater understanding to whatever matters to you. He helps you build the trellis which you can hang any flower on that you choose.." - P.R., - S.F.

Each session is normally a $187.00 value, and will be worth much more to you in life-changing ways.  Good luck! Click to Schedule.



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Resource Links:


The Integram (TM) - the podcast series

Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
Integram (TM) -understanding ourselves, each other, and our relationships

KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
Integram (TM)

Kind Ambition - 2nd Edition

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ome visit the Blog.

 


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The Optimizer
Ian Blei,
Director of the
Institute for Integral Enneagram Studies and
President of
Optimized Results
415.826.0478

 

 

Kind Ambition

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Kind Ambition:
Practical Steps
to Achieve Success
 Without Losing Your Soul
 

 

 

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Kind Ambition is about you having the tools to slide over to the driver’s seat of your own life.  Circumstances will always be changing, seemingly thwarting our plans, but we don’t have to be  thrown around by them. You can be in charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.

 

Kind Ambition is written for you, as a practical guide you can use right now.  It is a collection of  insights and actions designed to help you move forward and get more out of your life at home and at work.  The chapters hold to a formula of first giving you a new way to look at things, then offering you tangible Action Steps to try them out, and finally some things to notice when you do.

 

 

 

 

Kind words for “Kind Ambition”

 

"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."

-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media

 

 

 

“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to achieve real  growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian lives his work!”

-Romanus Wolter - Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment

 

 

 

" We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The  good news is: they can be overcome.  The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."

-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's

 Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters

Syndicated Columnist: Fast Company Magazine

 

 

 

“A scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to making the most of your life.  Ian Blei provides the know-how, the inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in  this straightforward and inspirational book.”

     -Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film, “Dance Me Outside”

 

 

 

" Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward ways.  His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."

-Roy King, III , Senior Partner/Channel Marketing Manager - Skype

 

 

 

   

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