an Integral Enneagram of Consciousness; a model of consciousness, including
all aspects, for designing practical
paths of personal development and evolution.
Quick Links: jump to any section
in the background while you file, exercise, ride to work, etc.
scheduled for companies in
the SF Bay Area (both full and half day.) These are internal
workshops, so not open to the public. Depending upon time availability
and demand, we may attempt to schedule a public workshop in March. If
your company would like to discuss a workshop or a talk, please visit
menu page and/or
contact me for details.
Watching an interview with NFL head coaches Bill Belichick and Pete
Carroll, I was extremely inspired by their shared values and methods.
They epitomize what exceptional coaching is all about: evoking
excellence from your people. This is where coaching is the same on the
field or the workplace.
From player to player, or person to person, we have different ways of
being motivated, tied to our perspectives which drive our perceptions,
which drive how we interface with the world around us. Depending upon
whether we have primarily individual or team goals, another layer of
coaching enters; a dimension of altitude. What’s useful for us in all
this, is that it follows a very natural progression.
Just as ripples emanate from a pebble tossed into water, individual
excellence needs to emanate from the center outward as well. Where
these two coaches excel is in how individual excellence can be woven
together in a team effort, rather than that team tearing itself apart
with individual-centric behavior. The players play for each other, not
The Coach's Job
When Belichick and Carroll talked about how they worked with players,
certain values and skills came up repeatedly. They’re both highly
observant and focused in the moment. That enables them to not miss a
detail or nuance that could serve their player. This is what makes a
coach able to ascertain exactly what gifts and skills you bring, and
what areas need work.
Observing this doesn’t help unless you can communicate it effectively;
another necessity. These champion-level coaches are linguistically
precise and articulate. Communication is so facilitated when we
thoughtfully choose our words; paying close attention to the cognitive
impact they have. Add aspects of clarity, from avoiding pronouns, to
exacting vocabulary, to a kind of economic efficiency; it becomes an art
As they were asked difficult questions about what most call painful
subjects, they were remarkably transparent, candid, and truthful. Both
coaches had been fired several times, and took these “failures” as
opportunities to learn, re-group, and shift their approach. Their
willingness to openly discuss this learning process was another window
into excellent coaching. Being candid and transparent about our
failures, especially within the context of lessons learned, offers our
“players” far more than an image of invulnerability or perfection does.
This authenticity leads to equanimity, which may be one of the most
important and least understood values behind true mastery of Self.
Equanimity is a kind of internal balance. We have a tendency to either
with feelings, thoughts, and situations, or to suppress them. When we
over-identify, a thought or feeling arises and we fixate on it and hold
onto it too much, not letting it rise, spread, and pass through us in
its natural rhythm. This is where you might say “I’m upset,” when really
you’re still you, and you feel upset. We have feelings.
We are not our feelings.
When we suppress, a thought or feeling arises and we attempt to cope
with it by stuffing it or denying it until it surfaces again, and this
cycle repeats. Either way, we’re not balanced in our approach or our
perceptions. If our perceptions are filtering out some things and
emphasizing others, our observations get skewed. This interferes with
anyone’s perceptions being accurate, and is especially damaging to being
able to coach precisely.
Pushing vs. Pulling
important lesson is in whether we respond to being pushed or not. It
turns out most of us don’t respond well over time. The alternative,
pulling, is more about opening a space for a person to expand into. This
follows a more organic path, and is a great way to work as a manager or
parent as well. When you can be a snow plow, and clear the space in
front of your people, simultaneously providing them with the resources
they need to excel, you can create a champion-level team.
Opening this space for them to expand into might sound a bit woo-woo or
“coach-jargon,” so let’s break it down. There are two parts to this. We
all have limiters; scripts in our heads that hold the brakes while we’re
trying to accelerate. By identifying these scripts, we can re-write them
to take the limiters off. We can diminish the impact of our inner
judge/critic, who invariably holds us back. At the same time we
illuminate the non-limited space in front of people, which as their
skills improve with drills, becomes more possible, and the cycle
continues. First create the desired outcome, then develop the skills and
eliminate the barriers to exemplary execution of the plan.
The Law of Allowance
Finally we get to where the model is designed either to make the coach’s
job easier or to truly evoke excellence from others. These exemplary
coaches look at each of their players as individuals. Rather than a
canned, templated, off-the-rack coaching program for everyone, they
recognize the imperative to view each person’s skills, talents, and
blocks as a unique challenge requiring unique coaching. One person may
abhor talking to the press, where another loves it, and that’s okay. One
may need encouragement where another needs focus, and each can be
brought to their best.
Those different perspectives and perceptions create different ways of
seeing the same things, and different communication styles. Not only do
we need more custom tailored coaching than some corporate-office
template can provide, but we need to see each other through these eyes.
We need to recognize that whoever we’re interacting with might see,
feel, and hear things completely differently than us. We need to make
room for these differences, check in, and engage with those different
In relationships I call this the Law of Allowance. We need to allow the
person we’re with to be the person they are, and stop trying to make
them be more like us, or more palatable to our style. Our differences
are imperative and fundamental to learning on more levels than you might
imagine. Getting to where we’re excited by and celebrate these
differences, instead of being confused and frustrated by them, is where
everyone’s best is brought out. More ways of looking at something is
like more pixels on your screen; it increases resolution and clarity.
Want to learn more about how to become the best you possible?
Come visit the
or better yet,
contact me and see how we can design a program to fit your needs and desired outcomes.
- Ian J. Blei
Valentine's Day Special!
Partners, or Duos of any kind!
Using a completely "non-gooey," communication-centric approach, we’ll map the minefields and illuminate the most
nourishing path for your relationship.
Each 90-Minute Session
Valentine's Special half-off:
so much for the Couples Session. It just nailed us to a tee, and we're
doing great now! Understanding each others' different approach makes a
San Francisco, CA
reason to put off enhancing your connection and communication; Schedule
The Integram (TM)
- the podcast series
Melissa Risdon's Raving Fan Radio Show:
Ian Blei on the
ourselves, each other, and our relationships
KG Stiles: "Conversations that Enlighten and Heal"
Ian Blei on Kind Ambition and the
visit the Blog.
Subscribe to the Integram
Welcome to the Integram, where consciousness meets
Institute for Integral Enneagram
Without Losing Your Soul
about you having
the tools to slide over to the
driver’s seat of your
Circumstances will always be
changing, seemingly thwarting
our plans, but we don’t have to be
thrown around by them. You can
charge of your choices and actions more than you might imagine - yet.
is written for you,
as a practical guide you can
right now. It is a collection of
insights and actions designed to help
you move forward and get more out
of your life at home and at work.
The chapters hold to a formula of
first giving you a new way to look at
things, then offering you tangible
Action Steps to try them out, and
finally some things to notice when you do.
Kind words for
"If you are interested in success, whether it is in running a large
organization, a small business, or leading a satisfying life, you will
find a right blend of rules, wisdom and wit in a digestible fashion that
will serve to accomplish your objectives. The notion that kindness can
be blended with ambition and made to work and serve the "bottom line" is
enlightening, uplifting and satisfying."
-Steven Kiefel – CEO, Red Pill Media
“An easy to use guide for anyone who wants to
growth and success. His sensible and practical tactics
solve age-old challenges with real, how-to solutions. Best of all, Ian
lives his work!”
-Romanus Wolter -
Author: Kick Start Your Dream Business
Success Coach Columnist: Entrepreneur Magazine
Radio Host: Syndicated Kick Start Guy Segment
We all face obstacles in our lives and careers. Some of these come from within, subverting our conscious intentions. The
good news is: they can be overcome. The techniques and processes found in this book will help you on your way."
-Margaret Heffernan – Author: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's
Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters
Syndicated Columnist: Fast
scientifically-based, spiritually-awake, (and smart and funny) guide to
making the most of your life. Ian Blei provides the know-how, the
inspiration, the structure and all the tools you need in this
-Lisa Betts-LaCroix, Past
President of SF Coaches
Star of Unapix film,
“Dance Me Outside”
Ian Blei shares his deep insights in simple and straightforward
ways. His work continues to inspire me whenever I feel I'm getting stuck in some area of my life."
-Roy King, III
Partner/Channel Marketing Manager - Skype